Lotta's blog entry from the now defunct Dandi Broad's Blog details an encounter with her two favourite Scotch men ... Mr Ray Banks and Mr Stuart MacBride.

By Lotta Front

Everyday roun' here, I tell ya, it's sumthin' else...they got me bloggin my fine ass now. I'm Lotta by the way. Mostly, I don't do this kinda crap. I got importance. But, hey, The Pusher shouts, I jump, yeah...like don't we all, right?

So, Dandi gets done with the two Great Scots, Mr Stuart MacBride and Mr Ray Banks and whadaya know? The Pusher's back from the border already.

“Hey you guys...I know them faces!” he says.

Then Mr Banks is like, “Man I lurve y'guns!”

Now, right off the bat, I'm saying, whoa-whoa there Mr Banks...The Pusher don't like nobody, and I mean nobody, messin' with his firearms. So I'm like coolin' things down big time. Dancin' and throwin' my blondness about The Pusher. Like you gotta, right?

So I'm like: “Hey Pusher...how'd the run go?”

The look. I get the look. One says, “Lotta, haul ass inside and get back to y'desk!”

But, I tries again: “Everything okay...nuthin' I can be doin f'ya?”

Hands on the hips now, I'm seeing hands on the hips, “Lotta, lest you gotta place to put a trailer-full imports, I don't wanna hear from ya.”

All this time he's like smiling and such back 'n' forth to the Scotch-men, but I can tell, oh yeah, I can tell there's a storm brewin'.

So I tries: “Well, whadya know! There's a dang Mexican night on Club Flamingo...we could all head down there and...”

Next up, The Pusher's unclipped the trailer and we're all draggin' ass down Club Flamingo.

“So, you like tequila, Mr MacBride?” says me.

The hands go up and I'm thinking maybe he's got someplace to be...but nobody's sayin' no to The Pusher.

I'm glad it's workin' out cuz these Scotch-men look like wiseguys, and I done seen Braveheart and don't want no Mel Gibson shit goin' down. I mean with the fightin' and all...not the drinkin' or whatever.

We get some trouble on the door with some us in sneakers n'all but The Pusher flashes his clip and lays down a few Ben Franklins and we is in!

Alls goin' peachy on the inside, Pusher man parts the crowd like Moses or sumthin' - he got the Tony Manero effect – and there's tequila splashin' about like the good times is here.

“Man, you know how to party!” says some guy, up from the farm. He's got like, hay or whatever, stickin' out the ass of his pants and a grin says he don't heard a'Colgate.

“Could you step aside, please!” says The Pusher, real polite n'all. But this dumb-ass farm-boy he's layin' hands on me now, tawkin like we is going f'ride in his Dodge sometime soon.

This done sets off the Scotch-men, they know hows to look after a lady. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Mr Stuart MacBride is standin' and starin' and he done put one helluva bead on farm-boy and I'm thinkin' any time soon we gonna see his sorry-ass turn to stone!

But, whatdya know? Candy Barr ups outta nowhere with like a mug'a tequila in her hand and she's like, “Awww, Lotta you my best, best, best friend in the whole world...I lurve you likes my sistah!”

She's puttin' steps where there shouldn't be no steps and there's arms waggin' about...then THWACK! Now, I'm thinkin Mr Ray Banks has done had enough'a farm-boy pawin' my sweet cheeks and landed a Donkey Punch!

I turns aroun' and that's when I see Candy's mug'a tequila go up in the air and...well, the rest, I don't wanna tawk about. You seen that film from Scotch-land, Trainspotting or sumthin', apparently there's a scene like it in there, so Mr Ray Banks tells me.

Alls I know is, I'm done partied out for a little while...I kinda think The Pusher's gonna have me bustin' my ass back at Pusher Towers for a times to come anyway.

But, man, what I learned is, Scotch-men...they good to have aroun' times like this!

Lights out wiseguys and gals.

We done tawk soonest.

Lotta Front